these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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