allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
