somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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