i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
cat food counts as protein by the way
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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