I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
