I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
