mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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