so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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