The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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