My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
