a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
