Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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