we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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