franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
