She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
