i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My bed smells like the plague
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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