I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
