only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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