I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
