I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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