You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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