Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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