I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
