She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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