dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
