i need an iv and a liver transplant
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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