I am in a vortex of obligation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
