did you get engaged???
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
