Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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