Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
