How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
