No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
