Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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