I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
