I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
