just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
