Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
