She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just forgot I was standing up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
