I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
