This girl is more easily done than said...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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