my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
