He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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