I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
