are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
