Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
