I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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