if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
