No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
