you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
