She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
