He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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