I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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