Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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