I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
