Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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