You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
