i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
