I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
