After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
