Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
