question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
