the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
