Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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