this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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