the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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